The bus stopped at the irrigation canal bridge. It was my first visit to my ancestral home after my retirement. I got down from the bus and walked along the canal service road. Water as clear as glass was flowing in the canal. A few small fish swam at the bottom along with the flow. I once again became the adolescent boy of yesteryears full of excitement in anticipation of my visit to my erstwhile home. The water converged into an arched aqueduct with gurgling noise. Both sides of the road were lined with new houses, a sign of prosperity and affluence of the village. The canal curved to the left and I walked down the gradient to my right. The narrow asphalted road was full of potholes. As I reached the village pond, the small ripples on the water surface caused by the breeze filled nostalgic waves in me. The sun’s image was having a cool dip in the pond, weary of its own heat.
I looked around for familiar faces, but was disappointed to see none. But I was thrilled to see the building with a tiled roof, my home years back, my sweet home, with all its antiquity. I opened the small gate, made of wooden planks with vertical iron bars, and stepped into the yard which was like a small garden with beautiful flowers. The carved wooden main door shutters had not lost their glow. I knocked on one of them. The door opened with a screeching noise and I was greeted by my cousin, Devu. She was the sole occupant of the house. She was greying and her face was adorned with the usual lovely smile. She led me to the room at the right. The cement floor was very cool and a feeling of tranquility pervaded my body. I sat on the armchair and looked at the photographs on the wall. My late father, uncle and aunt were watching me through the framed glasses of the photographs, I thought. I saw a kind of glow in their eyes, perhaps created by my presence that day.
I went upstairs climbing up the wooden stairs. I made rhythmic noise on the wooden steps like a percussion artist. On to the left was the room which was used by my grandfather. A large portrait of my grandfather hung on the wall. I stood in front of the portrait. My face was reflected on the glass and I could see my bearded face next to that of my grandfather. I was pleased to see the similarity of both of our faces, one of a living old man and the other of a vanished human being. The more I looked at the portrait, the more my eyes became wet.
We talked about many things. Devu served me tea and salty snacks. Charged with them, I got out of the house. I walked along the lane abandoned by me, years back, for my selfish ambitions in my life. Now that I had retired, I did not have anything to do. Now was the time for me to visit places, meet persons whose images seemed to have faded in my life, but were still intact in my heart in all their clarity. I walked straight. The lane looked deserted. I did not see children playing. But I heard from each home the loud noise of television sets blaring out dialogues and music of movies crowding in the satellite programmes. I trod on till the end of the lane where it meandered into narrow field paths.
On to my right was an old fashioned house. I climbed up the granite steps. The house had verandahs on the three sides and it had a clay tile roof. There was no change to that house in the last five decades. An old lady came out of the house to the verandah and looked at me with inquisitive eyes. She was in her early sixties and grey haired. It was Ammu, my schoolmate.
I introduced myself.
“I can recognize you” she said with a smile. Her voice was still musical and her smile captivating. Blood rushed to her thin face. She blushed. Her eyes sparkled with tears and she enquired. “How are you? How is your family?”
I replied we were good.
“And how are you and your family?” I asked her.
She took a deep breath and said “My parents have left me forever for their heavenly abode many years back. My only brother never comes to this place. I have no other family” she said.
“What about your husband and children?” I asked her.
“I am still unmarried. I had loved someone many years ago, but he married another woman. I stay alone in this house” she said.
“But are you not feeling lonely?” I asked her.
“No. I have good neighbours who give me great company” she smiled.
I bade good bye to her and walked on. I looked to my left. Dry grass lay on the slopes of the irrigation canal. Buffalos were grazing on the banks. I took the path to the right and walked further.
I walked along the narrow footpaths which served as the boundaries of every field. I reached the neighbourhood of our erstwhile farmhouse. Smoke was billowing out of huts. In every hut thatched with dry palm leaves, farmers boiled palm jaggery and made cakes out of it. I could recognize Kesavan, who was the cowboy of our village, more than half a century back. He smiled at me.
I was ten years old. We had a black cow named Blackie. She had a white mark on her head which made her more beautiful. She was a darling to all of us. Kesavan came every morning and led her to the grazing grounds along with other herds. Before going to school every day, I used to go to the backyard and hug Blackie with all my love. She would lick my hands with her coarse tongue reciprocating her affection towards me. One morning, my grandmother went to the backyard and was shocked to see Blackie lying still. She cried aloud and we all went to her. Blackie was dead. Her udder had two blue marks. She had died of cobra bite. I cried the whole day and did not eat anything. My sorrow was boundless. My grandfather pacified me to remain calm.
“So you have returned to your native place” Kesavan said smiling.
I was brought to the present by his words.
“Yes” I said. He gave me a paper bag full of palm jiggery cakes. I thanked him and walked further. Five hundred yards away was the old farm house where my grandparents lived during the harvest time, half a century back. The familiar huge black rock stood guard to the farmhouse which was someone else’s property now. I climbed up the rock and stood there looking inside, in spite of the radiating heat. I travelled back in the time machine to the nostalgic past.
I was doing my final year degree course in Civil Engineering at a town about forty miles from my ancestral home. The year was 1962. My mother had received a telegram. The words of disbelief in the telegram described the expiry of my grandfather. When I returned from the college, mother was in tears. I read the telegram several times. The world seemed to stand still in front of me. I felt like standing inside a vacuum. I could not imagine a life without my grandfather. I burst out and the tears flowed like a stream. I wept till the tear glands became dry over the loss of the most important human being in my life. He was my friend, my teacher and my mentor. A world without him was unimaginable. I was two years old when he took over my guardianship. From that time it was me that mattered most to him. He pampered me with his uninhibited love. He hopped everywhere with me in his pouch, like a kangaroo. He moulded me and taught me everything and he was waiting for me to graduate as an engineer. He was everything to me. I had no one to go to. My grief flowed out like an open spillway.
We boarded a private bus. After two hours, we got down at the canal bridge of my village. I walked with my mother and brother as if in a dream. We passed the pond, our ancestral house and walked straight through the fields. At the farmhouse, smoke was rising high on the right side. The cremation of my grandfather was going on.
“But why did they not wait for us?” I asked my uncle. I took a piece of firewood, lighted it and kept it on the funeral pyre. I could see only the back of his head. All other parts were physically getting swallowed by the cruel flames. I had kissed that head umpteen times. I had played with that head on several occasions. I had mounted on his shoulders many times. And he would dance holding my hands and sing. He would catch my tiny hands and walk through the road proudly.
I asked where you are now my dearest grandpa. Why did you do this to me? What shall I do without you?
There was no answer. And there won’t be any answer. The smoke rose higher. The firewood made cracking noise. His head became invisible. My grandpa had changed his abode. He was with God.
But his soul is with us wherever we go. He is omnipresent.
He is the Protector of our lives.
A herd of cows passed through the muddy lane and I was brought back from the past. Smell of dust mingled with cow dung spread around. I walked back through the empty fields.
At the gate of Ammu’a house, I saw her standing hoping to have another glimpse of me. I stopped. She walked towards me and held my hands and said.
“Promise me you will marry me in your next birth”. She kissed my hands. Her tears dropped on my fingers.
“Good bye, my love” she said and went inside the house.
I was taken aback. It was a shock to me. The truth stared at me. I felt guilty that I could not understand her love towards me, years back. I had treated her as one of my friends. Tears blurred my vision as I walked past the houses to my ancestral home. Pre-monsoon black clouds were moving hastily on the sky. A few drops of rain fell on my head. The aroma of wet earth pierced my nose.
Devu was waiting for me with a cup of hot coffee. I sat on the armed chair at the front verandah. Devu sat on the raised floor.
“I met Ammu” I told her as I sipped the coffee.
“Which Ammu are you talking about?” Devu asked me.
“Ammu who lives in the last house on the lane just before the path to the fields” I said.
“What?” Devu got up and came near me.
“Ammu died five years ago. No one is staying in that house since her death”. She said with a bewildered look.
Lightning flashed. Thunder was deafening. Rain poured from the heavens.




